It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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