i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just forgot I was standing up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
