I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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