Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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