I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
