So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
