bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
