It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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