dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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