hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
