i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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