I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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