Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
