Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
