fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
