half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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