Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
is that a dick in a sweater?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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