Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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