you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
