We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
even my farts smell like vagina
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
