yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my shit smells like andre
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
