I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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