Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
