Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
