I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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