I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You left your phone here
Wait...
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