when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
