his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
