and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
