tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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