Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
