My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
