After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
