Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
