If that was your dad, he is hot
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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