not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
