the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
