I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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