I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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