Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
where are my eyebrows?
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