Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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