we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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