you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
