The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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