could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
