You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
