i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
