It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
