It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
