Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
