Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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