i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
