he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
