I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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